clean and sober

Today is completely quiet. Things are calm.

In a way, I'm finding myself withdrawing. Completely withdrawing. It's like I can't really trust anything anymore. I guess the loneliness can get to you. It does to me. I'm not made of stone.

The isolation is a friend. A familiar. Something that has always been with me, probably since the day I was born. Feeling apart. It used to make me feel so bad. But then I decided to look at it as something special. It set me apart, never mind feeling apart. I could connect with nature. I could enjoy the blue sky. I could enjoy the weather. But other people? They didn't make any sense, and only made sense when they didn't care or were mean or selfish.

It wasn't enough to say "I love you". That could change at any time, by meeting another person, by simply being bored, or having an incident that changes one's perspective. Anything could make the "I love you" go away forever. It isn't something everlasting. Love is what we chase, love is the prize, love is what makes life worthwhile.

So we chase it, we look for it, we try to make these connections to it. Oh, he's staring at me, he must like me, and if he likes me, that means he loves me. No. It means you were simply in his line of vision...and maybe not Maybe he was looking at the girl or guy directly beside you or behind you.

In the end, what are you but a convenient available soul when someone needs a temporary boost to their ego?

It is all that I am.