Sanity, thy challenge

During a lovely stroll after work at the day job, I found myself listening to yet another litany of bullshit from x about y. I at first laughed, and didn't think anything beyond "look, y's just trying to get a rise out of you because no one's talking to y. it's like y's a little child, pouting and having a fit."

During the movie, I fumbled with my phone as I forgot the passcode to check my voicemail. I had thought it was for an acting gig, but it turned out to be this company I get my acting alerts from, the alerts had not been coming in the last 48 hours and I was trying to figure out why as everything worked fine before.

Some long convoluted message talking about nothing, as the person who had left the rambling message acknowledged my question but claimed to have no answer, blaming everything under the sun but the fucking company itself and their server. There was definitely a glitch as both my email accounts weren't receiving anything, they were silent. What the fuck's the point of setting the account specific for email alerts if there are no alerts coming in? No help, absolutely fucking useless. If it continues I cancel my subscription. I am not paying for half-ass service.

Things meanwhile, originally going well, or at least quiet for once, are starting to kick up shit again. Seems y is suddenly intent on blaming me for every fucking thing wrong in their life, including their stupid fucking plants. Now, I love plants in and of themselves, but y decided that I had to be doing something to them and rambled such stupidity to another who finally told them to fuck off and get over it and no one cares about y's fucking plants because y constantly kills them anyway. This of course, pissed y off, and everyone left.

I am looking forward to dinner and a movie. It's Friday, it's after 5 pm, the work whistle has blown and I am out and free, pretending to be so, for the next 48 hours. So x gets into the 'whoppers' or lies, that y likes to say in order to gain x's attention as they haven't been speaking in ages either. Mind you, we all live under the same roof, but have separate rooms, and I am quite content not seeing or dealing with y for days if not weeks or months on end. I knew the peaceful silence shit was shattered when I was waiting for the elevator, dressed to go to work in the morning last week, and y decides to declare in the hallway that I had to move out.

Mind you, in the morning, I'm not the most talkative and I am inwardly congratulating myself that I managed to get showered, dressed and out the door with my purse, keys, money and ID intact and leaving on time to boot. I'm not really looking to get into an argument with anyone, I just don't have the time and energy for that shit, not first thing in the morning.

But y was feeling bold and felt this was the perfect time to lay into me about me moving out. I was about to say "I'm going to work, we'll talk when I get home," but I didn't feel like talking to this silly bully. I merely glanced over at x, who happened to be with me, going out to walk the dog.

"You think you have her out here because you're scared of me," and at that point I raised an eyebrow towards x, not saying anything. The elevator had arrived, the door opened and x announced, "let's go," and almost pushed me into the elevator.

Later on, I chuckled over it with x, and moved on. Found it odd y would even say anything to me, and we realized y had no idea that x was going to be there, and thus y was surprised and whatever y had planned, it was reduced to empty words.

Fast forward to today, where x fills me in on the latest bullshit stories from y. My immediate thought was "why are you listening to y and WHY are you giving y the time of day?"

Because they're related. X caters to y's ego and thus nurtures and encourages the stupidity and ignorance of y. And y wonders why I ask outloud why did y even listen to this nonsense and y stays quiet, only when pushed does y ask why did I even decide to stick around.

And I know x is nervous. I calmed x down, and explained it was just a bullshit tactic, a lion with no teeth braying like the fucking donkey y truly is, and I said "you should know the tactic by now, it's been what, 30 years of this bullshit?" And I state, "Let's just forget about y, y is desperate for any kind of conversation even if it means starting a fight with you." And x seemed content with that.

Later on, after the dinner and movie, and we found our way home, we were met with a tense atmosphere. The air felt stagnant and mean, and most of all, negative. It soon worked its way on me, while x stayed pretty calm and admitted to having forgotten the whole thing because that's what I had advised them to do. Surprised x even listened, I stated that although I thought it was over, I had a feeling that y would be stepping up their game and may overstep even further towards doing something physical.

I also advised that I was trying not to get angry about it, because I refused to be bullied, but I was also angry because I had not done one blessed thing to stir this fucking idiot to focus on me. Y simply did because they were bored with their fucking lives and knew x was focusing on me again and this was not going to be.

It's like clockwork this bullshit. I also wondered if y was taking their meds on a regular basis, and x goes "probably not" and yet seems fascinated by whatever bullshit falls from y's mouth like it's fucking gold or food from the gods. It's like x starves for their bullshit as much as y loves shoveling it up x's ass.

Meanwhile, I had to relate, relax, release this insidious yucky feeling I was going through, too sensitive to the bullshit vibe going through the house. And x feels bad again, and I felt bad and ended up apologizing, because I wanted to say my piece and now it's like we're back to one with this sad person stirring shit. Then x brings up they had been asked to move to Atlanta. And that x is staying simply because I have nowhere else to go.

And the cycle of them going back and forth with this idiot continues. X continues to give power to y. What the fuck?

Now I'm the pity case. Now I'm the excuse and reason as to why x hasn't moved out, because x 'truly believed' the bullshit from y despite the fact that x was doing all the research and finding financial programs in order to help y move out. And y didn't lift a finger and didn't like anything x showed them. Like some high faluting queen. Of no kingdom. Yet despite the overwhelming ignorance, x comes when called, and continues to financially support this mindfuck because blood is thicker than water. Even when that means x will continue to do without and stress out for the rest of their fucking lives while Queenie goes about throwing their weight around.

Wow. Great. I need a cleansing and fast. And an exorcist.

petty assholes

I go out in the fucking rain in order to get dinner. Spend my hard earned money for a job I give two shits about in order to start saving for my career, pay down my debt, and move out for good.

And what happens? So and so comes in with a small plate of food from a person who could not summon the energy for close to a year to cook. Someone who is petty, vindictive, and a user -- and family. So suddenly this person is up for cooking when they see a paycheck coming in?

I already let so and so know that I have zero interest in eating any food this person may suddenly start creating as I suspected that this person might. Each time I was able to predict with 100% accuracy what this person's behavior was and what they were going to do.

Then we flash forward to so and so being an idiot and continuing to push for saint of the century by being everybody's friend and not wanting to upset anybody. I went in the fucking rain for the food. I went in the fucking rain because we were in agreement, at least I thought we were, about whether to take any fucking handouts from the vindictive petty one again.

Of course, so and so wonders why they haven't been able to get the petty one out of the house. Because they've enabled the petty one to death. But hey, blood is thicker than water, right? Let's let them step all over us, run the show, run our lives, simply because the petty one squatted you out?

Not all mothers are mothers. Anyone can give birth. The mother part comes from actually nuturing and taking care of you, looking out for you, putting your needs above one's own. Yet I don't see that here, there's certainly no history of that here. And yet, the blood calls. Blood is thicker than water to justify being abused and taken advantage of.

This is why as time has gone on, I have totally lost interest, have become actually disappointed and now repulsed by the bullshit that is allowed to occur simply because of relations.

This is total bullshit. And I hope so and so finds someone who likes being made a carpet as much as so and so does because by doing what so and so is doing, and then harping on another relative who is using tough love tactics on this same petty person by saying "good luck, I tried, it doesn't work" tells me that the only difference is that this other person actually has a more healthier sense of self and is actually concerned about the petty one getting off their haunches and getting a life of their own so they are not a burden to the family or anyone else for that matter.

There's nothing wrong with this. Yet it scares so and so to death. So and so likes to have people dependent on them, makes them feel important and useful.

I am so fucking done. If I could come into some major funds, I'd be out of here and out of their lives in a heartbeat because so and so simply doesn't want to understand that in order to have their own life, they have to claim it and if it means putting so called user family 'over there' at a distance, so be it. But so and so won't do it no matter how much so and so is put upon. So and so likes being abused and can't imagine a life doing anything else to the point that they can only think of suicide if things WERE to get worse. So and so cannot imagine just getting their own life, this is way too scary for her.

I'm glad I was able to write this down because I was actually angry about this tired old topic we keep dancing about on. It's time to take that old record off and find a new one.

Although my tactic is: if you are a mean spiteful turd to me, I will give you exactly what you dish out and you will eat it. Fuck you.