I don't want to go to work

A package came in last week for a person who I interviewed for several months back. I called their office and got what I can only assume is their new assistant. I explained the situation, and asked for their location in order to divert the package to them, wrote it down, as I got thanked over the phone and handed it to the messenger, redirecting them. The woman mentioned that for some reason packages for this person were being rerouted and she didn't know why. I shrugged into the phone and said, "Well, good luck and have a good day," and hung up. I didn't know what else to say, I had to move on to the next problem to be solved.

Last night I checked out some ads. Nothing. Mostly b.s. ads and repeats from shady agencies I've dealt with and had had some unpleasant experiences with. I knew I had a refresher course on Excel under my belt but other than that, nothing really new to show that my time at this new company was worth anything. As usual. I may have to start looking at classes and start buckling down. My resume needs some serious updates in the skills area.

I admit it. Work is called work for a reason. It's apparently not meant to be fun or have meaning or even be interesting or contribute to a greater good. Going to work every day, spending money on clothing to look presentable at work, and dealing with the emotional minefield that's created by employers to keep employees distrustful yet competitive against each other in order to build up productivity, it's just a sad state of affairs and very draining to one's health.

It's hard to look at others at work and not wonder -- what keeps them here? Some would probably never survive anywhere else, because they don't know how to do anything else, they've been doing the same thing for twenty years. Plus no one would put up with their bullshit elsewhere, they'd be fired in a hot minute for their laziness and attitude.

I know I put myself in this willingly. I look around, and I work hard, trying to ignore the screaming apathy around me. Yesterday I could not find the energy to go, plus woke up dreaming about work about deadlines not being met. That's the first sign.

A part of me wishes to take today off too. It's a beautiful day out and the rest of the week is to be rainy and lousy. It's 8:12 in the morning and time is running out. I am out of energy and enthusiasm. I see myself going to work and dealing with someone's negativity and laziness and I may scream.

No one wants to work anymore. The few that do get laughed at or taken for a ride and get stressed out, as if they are getting punished for actually wanting to do a good job. Sheesh.

Yet I know there is no other income coming in right now. I look at aa and my doggie, and know I have people depending on me. Until I find and get another source of income that's reliable, I really have to focus and be good with this.

Although if someone gets snarky with me, it won't take much for me to pack up at my desk and go home. I am just not having it with anyone's b.s. today.

Keeping things hidden

The battle begins as far as how much I should say and not say. I watch as I see people spinning out of control with their frustrations. I know that a lot of them have worked together for a long time. I can't honestly say that I'll be there forever -- can I be content working there for, say, a decade or until retirement? I honestly can't say that. I believe in taking things one day at a time. I am not interested in getting involved in being frustrated on someone not coming through in a timely manner.

I'm on borrowed time. This money is to go to what I want to do -- pay off my debt, stabilize my credit, take some classes and save for my real creative pursuits. I just have to stay focused, and not allow the drama to suck me in.

I just remembered I have to do something, on my creative side!