Got the eyebrows done, hair done, moisturized and got my feet done.
Been taking care of what I've been eating too, and not overindulging too much.
Fooling around with makeup. Found a place that sells lovely pretty bustiers and corsets. Just feeling girly. Ordered a couple.
Ordered a sexy top too. Looking at shoes and skirts. Spring is coming.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
not in a billion years
Not in a billion years did I think I would find myself in this situation. Again.
I am angry, upset and frustrated at myself. For allowing myself to get lulled into a sense of false security. To allow myself to get distracted, to get lulled into being stupid. I allowed myself to take my eyes off the prize.
What I want doesn't seem to matter. It just seems the circle of space, of the perceived freedom I thought I had as an adult is getting smaller and smaller and choking me harder and harder, and NOT in a good way.
I am angry, upset and frustrated at myself. For allowing myself to get lulled into a sense of false security. To allow myself to get distracted, to get lulled into being stupid. I allowed myself to take my eyes off the prize.
What I want doesn't seem to matter. It just seems the circle of space, of the perceived freedom I thought I had as an adult is getting smaller and smaller and choking me harder and harder, and NOT in a good way.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Connections and emotions
I try to feel about someone, and try to understand. And all I can do is not panic, not overthink, not worry, not wonder. It's all I can do, however.
Valentine's Day is coming. Times are quiet. Work is the usual annoyance. A part of me plays out conversations in my head, about what could have been said, what's never been said, out of fear, out of knowing the reality of what could never be.
And I think. And miss him. I try to feel him out. I imagine what he could be thinking. These are all signs to me of obsession, stupidity. But what of concern?
I go down the list. Where has he been for me? A lot of half-truths, and seemingly, feeling misled. Not by who he is, but a feeling that he's not being completely honest with me either. I can't help shake the feeling that I'm looking at a mirror, and this is not merely a projection.
He's a lot like me. I can see myself in him. And I confide in him. And it gets lost, because the steps required to move in that direction are steps that do not benefit me, at least I don't think so.
Another invitation by him went without a further response. I wrote him to remind him, and say hello. He didn't respond. Several days passed. Wrote hi again. And nothing. Again.
If I'm the closest to him, then why do I feel so far away?
Valentine's Day is coming. Times are quiet. Work is the usual annoyance. A part of me plays out conversations in my head, about what could have been said, what's never been said, out of fear, out of knowing the reality of what could never be.
And I think. And miss him. I try to feel him out. I imagine what he could be thinking. These are all signs to me of obsession, stupidity. But what of concern?
I go down the list. Where has he been for me? A lot of half-truths, and seemingly, feeling misled. Not by who he is, but a feeling that he's not being completely honest with me either. I can't help shake the feeling that I'm looking at a mirror, and this is not merely a projection.
He's a lot like me. I can see myself in him. And I confide in him. And it gets lost, because the steps required to move in that direction are steps that do not benefit me, at least I don't think so.
Another invitation by him went without a further response. I wrote him to remind him, and say hello. He didn't respond. Several days passed. Wrote hi again. And nothing. Again.
If I'm the closest to him, then why do I feel so far away?
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